What to do if you're being stalked online

Written By Lauren Beeching

Online stalking can happen to anyone, whether you have a public-facing job or not. Most people only realise how unprepared the system is when it happens to them.

This guide shares realistic, practical steps on how to protect yourself, who to contact, and what to expect, especially if the person stalking you is in another country. It covers both personal and professional situations, including advice on whether or not to go public. It’s based on my own experience, which is still ongoing, though thankfully much less intense than it once was. I wanted to share the kind of guidance I wish I’d been given, rather than the usual surface-level advice like “don’t reply” or “just call the police.”

I’m sure she’ll end up reading this, but if it helps even one person feel less alone or more prepared, I’m happy to take that hit.

What counts as online stalking?

Cyberstalking involves obsessive and repeated unwanted contact or surveillance using digital platforms. It may include:

  • Persistent emails or messages, often from multiple aliases

  • Harassing or lying to your clients, colleagues, or family members

  • Uploading public videos filled with false claims

  • Using your business website, LinkedIn, or contact forms to gather information

  • Creating accounts or online posts designed to defame, provoke, or discredit you

This can happen to anyone

In some cases, online stalking starts after something as simple as having your email listed publicly. For me, it began when my email was left on the website of a former client I hadn’t worked with in many years. She was completely obsessed with him and he later took out a restraining order against her. Because my contact was still listed for media enquiries, I became the next person she targeted.

Over the past year, I’ve received thousands of emails from her, often several a day. She has contacted former employees, current employees, personal contacts, journalists who’ve interviewed me, entire press teams at newspapers, lecturers I’ve worked with, every staff member at universities where I’ve spoken, and people I haven’t spoken to in over a decade.

She went through my LinkedIn, found names, and emailed every possible address she could scrape. If I had ever appeared anywhere publicly, at a talk, in an article, on a panel, she would contact the organiser, the venue, and sometimes threaten them. If a journalist featured me, she would not only contact them but their colleagues too. And although I have never shared anything about my family online, she still went after people from my personal life by going through my Instagram and targeting the people I followed.

To this day, I still receive emails from her. It is no longer constant, but during the worst period I estimate she cost me around £40,000 in lost work.

I even remember once, during a Zoom call with a potential new client, I stupidly forgot to quit Outlook before sharing my screen. Her email notifications started popping up in the top right-hand corner (one after another) around 30 in total during the hour. The subject lines were vile and disturbing. I had to stop and explain, “I’m so sorry, this is a stalker situation I’m having to deal with.” I tried to keep the call going and explain the context, but unsurprisingly, I never heard from that potential client again.

There was a time I didn’t feel safe going into my office because the address was public. I felt anxious at home, and I was even nervous about checking the post, in case something had been sent. It’s a really isolating experience, because it’s unlikely you’ll know anyone who’s been through something similar. The legal support is limited, the emotional impact is huge, and the practical guidance is scattered.

I phoned every stalking hotline I could find, hoping someone would have a clear answer on what to do. But almost all of them gave the same advice - contact the police. And sadly, the police could do very little. Because the stalker was in another country, neither side had real jurisdiction, and I ended up stuck in a holding pattern of forwarded emails and dead ends. The obsessive contact and the relentlessness of it made Baby Reindeer feel very relatable to me, which I think says a lot.

If you’re going through something like this and don’t know where to turn, I’m happy to offer a call free of charge. No pressure, no upselling, just someone who’s been through it and can offer a bit of guidance or simply listen. I know how paralysing and lonely it can feel, and sometimes just speaking to someone who understands can make a huge difference.

Immediate steps to take

1. Do not respond

As difficult as it can be, avoid replying if possible. Many stalkers interpret any form of contact (even a brief, calm message) as validation. It confirms they’ve triggered a reaction and can feel like a reward, reinforcing the behaviour.

In my case, I did eventually respond. My professional life was being severely impacted, and I’d already reported her to the police, the FBI, and the LAPD. All three told me there was nothing they could do due to the cross-jurisdictional issue… I was in the UK, and she was based in the US. I felt like I had tried everything else. So eventually, I replied. Not aggressively, but in an attempt to be rational and human, hoping it might calm things down. In some ways, I think it helped slightly, but not in any meaningful or long-term way.

It’s important to understand that for someone exhibiting obsessive behaviour, even a polite or frustrated message can act like a dopamine hit. I spent time reading about the psychology of stalking, and one of the recurring themes is that engagement (no matter the tone) can register as a small win to the stalker. It confirms that their tactics are working.

So if you can avoid replying altogether, that is always the best first course of action.

2. Document everything

Keep detailed records from the start. Even if you're not ready to report it immediately, having everything saved and organised can make all the difference later.

What to save:

  • Keep every single email saved in a dedicated folder

  • Screenshot any alarming emails or messages that make you feel unsettled

  • Save full email headers, not just the content

  • Log dates, times and frequency of contact

  • Save URLs to any public mentions, posts or videos

  • Keep call logs, voicemails and screenshots of texts if they are contacting your phone

  • Create a folder for any attachments or fabricated screenshots they may send

I created a folder in my Outlook account, and it now contains thousands of emails. I also use Google Drive to store every piece of information related to the situation - so if, by some miracle, the police do ever take interest, everything is already organised and ready to show.

If they say anything that even hints at a physical threat, make sure to screenshot and flag it clearly. This is what the police tend to prioritise. When I spoke to the Met Police and the FBI/LAPD, they weren’t hugely focused on the volume of emails, though they did say it was clearly not normal. Their main concern was whether there were any threats or language that implied harm or escalation.

That’s why it’s worth trusting your instincts. If something feels off, unsettling or just a bit too intense, save it. These are the types of examples that can be used if your stalker is in the same country, where the police may have more power to act.

In my case, sadly, this didn’t help much, because she was based in the US and I wasn’t. But if your situation is different, being organised could be the one thing that protects you later.

3. Lock down your online presence

This is one of the most practical and immediate things you can do. Start by Googling yourself and see what shows up. You’ll be surprised how much outdated or irrelevant information exists, especially if you've ever worked in media, PR or anything even slightly public-facing. I found myself listed on random industry databases like MuckRack, which I had no idea I was even on. I requested removals wherever possible. Think of it as a spring clean of your own Google results.

Here are some steps worth taking:

  • Google yourself and remove anything unnecessary, irrelevant or exposing

  • Remove your phone number from public-facing pages, email signatures and business directories

  • Search your name on public phone directory sites and request removals

  • Limit tagging friends or partners in posts, or avoid it altogether

  • Avoid sharing locations in real time, including restaurants, hotels or areas you are frequenting

  • Temporarily deactivate or archive older posts, especially on LinkedIn or personal blogs that include timelines, clients or personal milestones

  • Remove or archive any photos where you do not feel you look your best, as stalkers will often use the worst image they can find if they begin sharing your name online - maybe a shallow point, but if they’re going to share you and discuss you… At least only allow them to use an image you don’t hate of yourself

  • Delete any posts featuring friends or loved ones who you feel may not be able to cope with being dragged into this kind of situation

For me, I went through my entire Instagram and carefully considered who could realistically cope with being targeted. There were a few people I know (friends I really care about) who aren’t in the best headspace right now or who simply wouldn’t be able to emotionally manage this kind of situation. So I quietly removed or archived those photos. I messaged them to explaining the situation and every one of them was thankful and understood completely.

It is hard enough dealing with something like this yourself, but what I would never have known had I not experienced it personally is the overwhelming guilt you feel when others start getting dragged into it. I woke up every day feeling sick, because almost every morning there would be a new message from someone saying they had received a strange email about me, and that they were a bit concerned or unsettled. I found that harder than dealing with the relentless abuse myself.

It is something people don’t really talk about, but for me it was one of the worst parts of the whole thing. You are trying to protect yourself, and suddenly you are forced to protect everyone around you too.

Notify your network (even if it feels embarrassing)

This is one of the most difficult but important steps. At least for me it was. When online stalking crosses into your professional life, it becomes a reputational risk.

If your Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn profiles were ever public, even briefly, there’s a high chance your stalker has used them to build a list of your contacts. That could include:

  • Friends and family

  • Clients or collaborators

  • Past or current employers

  • Employees or contractors

  • People you’ve worked with once or spoken alongside at events

  • People you don’t even know

In my case, she contacted everyone. I had to send emails to every client and past client I was working with at the time to explain what was happening. As uncomfortable and humiliating as it was, it felt more damaging to stay silent.

Some replied saying, “Oh yes, I’ve seen some pretty weird emails about you actually,” which was so embarrassing. Not because they believed them, but because I had no idea. The thought of people quietly receiving these emails without me addressing it made me feel exposed, even though it wasn’t my fault. I was cc’d in so many emails to my contacts that I presumed I saw them all. I remember the day I realised she was also emailing who knows without cc’ing me in. I still cringe so hard at the thought of these emails landing, and me not being able to explain the situation.

It is better to control the narrative early, even with just a short, calm messages like:

1. Friendly professional (e.g. clients, collaborators, journalists you know personally)

Hi [Name],

I just wanted to give you a quick heads-up that you may receive some unusual or false emails about me from an individual I’ve had to report to the police (I have a crime reference number if helpful). These emails contain defamatory accusations, none of which are true. I’m handling it carefully and privately, but I wanted to flag it in case anything odd comes through.

If you’d like any context or clarity, feel free to call or text. More than happy to catch up over coffee if that’s easier.

2. More formal contact (e.g. old clients, journalists you don’t know well, or corporate contacts)

Dear [Name],

I’m reaching out to let you know that you may receive some false or defamatory emails about me from an individual who has been reported to the police (crime reference number available on request). This person has contacted a number of people I’ve worked with and has sent messages containing entirely fabricated claims.

I’m doing everything I can to manage the situation through the appropriate channels, but wanted to make you aware in case anything reaches you directly. If you’d like any further information or clarification, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

3. Internal / Employee (e.g. staff members, contractors, part-time team)

Hi [Name],

Just a quick note to say you may receive some strange or inappropriate emails mentioning me, sent by someone I’ve had to report to the police (happy to share the crime reference number if needed). They’ve been contacting people I’m connected to both professionally and personally with false claims.

There’s no action you need to take, but if anything lands in your inbox, please just ignore and let me know. I completely understand how uncomfortable this kind of thing can be, so if you have any questions or concerns, I’m always happy to talk.

What if you decide to go public?

This is a very personal choice, and it comes with risks. But sometimes it becomes necessary, particularly if your stalker is contacting others behind your back.

That was my breaking point. She was no longer CC’ing me in the emails she was sending to others - I was still receiving multiple emails a day addressed directly to me and some cc emails… but overall, I had no visibility over what she was sending to clients, journalists, colleagues, or friends. I started waking up to a barrage of confused or horrified messages from people who had received things I hadn’t even seen. I was sending daily apology emails, trying to reassure people while managing just how humiliating and professionally damaging it all felt. At the same time, she had started mentioning both my name and my agency’s name in videos she posted online. And because it was TikTok) a platform where misinformation spreads fast (people believed her. Despite the claims being completely fabricated and often nonsensical, I still remember seeing a wave of abusive comments appear under my agency’s content, calling me a monster and worse. It was a surreal experience, watching complete strangers react with outrage to something that was entirely fictional.

In my situation, the public figure she was originally fixated on kindly offered to do a short video explaining the situation and tagged me in it. That gave me a clear foundation of evidence to confirm what was happening and why I was being targeted. So I went public the same day on my own profile explaining in a calm, clear written post.

If you reach this point, here are some tips:

When Going Public:

  • Be clear, calm and factual

  • Don’t name the person unless advised legally

  • Acknowledge the situation broadly without giving it too much air

  • Let people know you’ve filed a police report and have a crime reference number

  • Consider a single, pinned statement to direct people to, so you don’t have to repeat yourself

Be aware that coming forward can sometimes make the harassment flare up temporarily. But it can also stop the draining cycle of having to privately explain yourself to every person who gets caught in the crossfire. When you do go public, you don’t need to include every detail, even if part of you wants to get it all off your chest. The aim is clarity, not catharsis. Make sure the message is something anyone can read and immediately understand. A helpful test is to ask someone you trust (someone who doesn’t already know the full story) to read it and tell you what they take from it. If it makes sense to them, you’ve probably pitched it right.

Who to contact

UK:

  • Police: Request a crime reference number. Report under malicious communications or harassment laws.

  • National Stalking Helpline (Suzy Lamplugh Trust): 0808 802 0300

  • Report Harmful Content: reportharmfulcontent.com

US:

That said, if your stalker is based in another country, your local police may not be able to act (but still get a crime reference number). That’s exactly what happened in my case. I was told directly by the Metropolitan Police that there was nothing they could do about someone living in the United States, even with years of evidence. Extradition laws only apply in extremely serious, long-term cases, and even then, the process is lengthy and rarely successful for non-violent offences.

I phoned every stalking hotline I could find, hoping someone would offer a practical solution. Almost all of them told me to speak to the police and ignore the stalker… and the police in turn told me there was nothing they could realistically do. It was a closed loop. It’s the most horrific feeling that the stalker wins the legal battle and carry on.

What to expect

Cyberstalkers may:

  • Send hundreds or thousands of emails

  • Contact your friends, clients and employers with false claims

  • Upload defamatory videos or blog posts

  • Use search-engine-friendly wording to damage your name

  • Try to trigger public outrage or cancellations

Even when their claims are absurd, the sheer volume can cause real damage. I lost clients, had to stop promoting our brand social media clients, and spent months trying to undo the chaos she created.

If you run a business or public profile

  • Keep client names off your website

  • Avoid tagging clients or staff in social posts

  • Remove team bios or contact directories

  • Consider turning off comments or making posts private

  • Ask your team to not update their LinkedIn profile with your company name for their own safety

  • Ask clients to not share work of yours or tag you on LinkedIn

  • If you’re doing a talk, ask the organisers to avoid tagging you/using your full name in written online marketing

These steps can feel like a backwards move, but they help prevent further exposure and keep your network safe.

How common is it, really?

Stalking is disturbingly common, yet still feels like something people only talk about in hushed tones. In the UK alone, around 1.5 million people aged 16 and over experienced stalking in the year ending March 2024. That’s about 1 in 7 people.

Younger people are particularly at risk. For instance, 8.8% of individuals aged 16 to 19 reported being victims of stalking in the same period.

In the U.S., the numbers are equally alarming. Approximately 1 in 3 women (31.2%) and about 1 in 6 men (16.1%) have experienced stalking at some point in their lives.

And it's not just about being followed in person. 80% of stalking victims report being stalked through technology, with 67% experiencing in-person stalking.

The psychology behind stalking

Understanding why someone becomes a stalker is complex. Psychologists have identified several typologies of stalkers:

  • Rejected Stalkers: Often ex-partners who can't accept the end of a relationship.

  • Intimacy Seekers: Individuals who believe they are in a relationship with someone, even if they've never met.

  • Incompetent Suitors: People who pursue others with the hope of establishing a relationship but lack the social skills to do so appropriately.

  • Resentful Stalkers: Those who stalk to intimidate and frighten their victims, often as a form of revenge.

  • Predatory Stalkers: Individuals who stalk as part of a plan to commit a sexual attack.

Interestingly, while many assume stalkers are mentally ill, research suggests that only about 10% have a psychotic disorder. The majority may exhibit personality disorders, such as narcissistic or borderline personality disorder, but aren't necessarily psychotic.

The legal gap

One of the most frustrating parts of dealing with a stalker is the fact that the internet is global, but law enforcement is not. If the person harassing you lives in a different country, the systems in place are practically useless.

In my case, I reported the situation to UK police, the FBI, and even the LAPD, because that’s where the stalker was based. At one point, I asked the FBI directly whether there was any benefit in me flying to Los Angeles to speak to someone in person. Would that help move things forward? Would that make it more real to them? Their answer was clear: no. It didn’t matter where she was. What mattered was where I lived. And because I wasn’t in the United States, there was nothing they could do.

It felt like shouting into an echo chamber. The FBI gave me login access to the Teleporter Portal, where I could upload emails and supporting material to my case. But beyond that, nothing changed. No matter how many crime reference numbers I had, or how much evidence I collected, I just ended up stuck in a loop of forwarding/uploading emails and receiving polite/sympathetic, but ultimately unhelpful responses.

It is a legal blind spot that urgently needs addressing. People can weaponise cross-border anonymity to stalk, harass and defame with almost no consequences, simply because the systems are too outdated to handle how connected we all now are.

Final thought

Until it happened to me, I had no idea how easy it is for one person, with enough time and internet access, to cause real damage. They don’t need a big following, and they don’t need to be clever. All it takes is fixation and the absence of consequences.

Thankfully, I’ve always been quite a private person. I’ve never shared my family online. No one really knows anything about my personal life, and I don’t post daily updates or tag people. I might upload the occasional Instagram post here and there, but the reality is I keep most of my life offline. And I’m so grateful for that now. Because if I had been someone who posted everything… from relationship details to holidays, friends, colleagues, and children. This experience would have been ten times worse. She would have gone after every single person I care about.

Even without that level of exposure, she still caused enormous distress. You can’t predict something like this. You don’t get a warning sign. You just wake up one day, and the harassment has begun.

Professionally, I’ve always taken pride in protecting clients and never breaking confidentiality. I’m careful. But I didn’t realise I was listed on a past client’s website as a point of contact, and that alone was enough to bring me into the orbit of someone deeply unwell.

If you’re reading this out of curiosity rather than experience, let it be a quiet reminder. Oversharing online is risky. Not just for you, but for the people around you. And if you’re someone who shares your children online, please think twice. I don’t have children… only a toy poodle, who she has, thankfully, left alone. I’m clearly joking, but honestly, if I did have a child, I have no doubt she would have said unthinkable things - sharing images of the child in the most disgraceful emails and TikToks. The people who behave like this do not operate within any normal boundaries.

If you are going through this, know you’re not alone. It can feel isolating, embarrassing and surreal, but with clear boundaries, documentation and careful communication, you can regain some control. You didn’t cause this, and it is not your responsibility to fix someone else’s obsession.

Lauren Beeching
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